My client told me a story of someone that insulted her.  She was at a bar with friends looking to have a fun evening and open to meeting a wonderful man.

Someone approached her but kind of pawed at her and was pushy.  She politely said no thanks and tried to walk away.  He told her she needed to lose weight.

Upset and at a loss for words, she walked away in search of her girlfriend.  Her friend was horrified, said she was beautiful and defended her to the guy.  It didn’t matter; my client went into a tailspin about this for a few weeks.

She kept thinking about how she had to lose weight.  She said she had known she had to for years, but now she had proof that others were thinking the same thing.

Her inner dialogue went something like this:

See, the whole world thinks I’m fat.  Who cares about that guy?!?  He was ugly and balding! He was probably lashing out because he felt rejected.  I mean, I can lose weight but what is he going to do about his hair…oh, insulting him doesn’t make me feel better.
I am unattractive.  I’m fat.  I need to lose weight.  
I am unattractive.  I’m fat.  I need to lose weight.  
I am unattractive.  I’m fat.  I need to lose weight.  
I am unattractive.  I’m fat.  I need to lose weight.  

Here’s what’s really interesting about all of this:  Who hurt her feelings?  Was it the other person or was it self-inflicted?

The guy only insulted her once.  Her friend told her she was beautiful only moments later.  Yet, my client insulted herself after that over and over everyday for the next two weeks.

I am unattractive.  I’m fat.  I need to lose weight.   

I worked with the client and coached her through her thoughts.  We took small steps until she could see herself as beautiful.  It didn’t happen overnight.  It started with neutral thoughts like, “I have nice hair or I like my outfit today.”  Soon, she was able to see herself as beautiful.

I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.

For the new perspective to stick, it has to be believable.  We took baby steps to get there but we did it.

I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.  I am beautiful.   

My client is a lot happier with these thoughts running through her head.  What would our lives look like if we did the same thing with our negative stories?  Let’s give it a try, shall we?