We learn from a young age that our external circumstances cause our feelings.  We are taught to believe we feel happy because something good happens and we feel sad because something bad happens.  That’s not the truth.  The game of life is rigged.

Learn the rules of the game so you know how to win.  Our circumstances never cause our feelings.  Our thoughts do.

Let’s take an extreme example to demonstrate this point.  When someone dies, we don’t feel grief until we’re told about the event.  If a loved one passed away yesterday across the world, but we didn’t learn about it until we received a phone call today.  Yesterday I was happy and today I’m devastated. The loss occurred yesterday, but I was happy.  What caused the grief?  The loss (circumstance) or knowing about the loss (my thoughts).  It’s the thought that I’ve lost my loved one.  It’s a subtle but important distinction.

If you keep waiting to be happy until something changes, you will lose every time.  If this were true about life, then the last time you lost weight you would have been happy and stayed thin forever.  Why doesn’t that happen?

Because it’s not our circumstance, but our thoughts about our circumstance that make us happy or sad.

Let’s see how this works in relationships.  Why is that when we first enter a relationship, we’re in a honeymoon phase that’s amazing but inevitably comes to an end?  It’s because there is something in effect called the marriage rule.  When we first meet our partner we have 5 good thoughts about them for every bad thought – that’s a ratio of 5:1.  What happens when after the passage of time or if we get married?  It flips 🙂  We have one good thought for every five bad thoughts.  Is it a wonder the honeymoon phase doesn’t last if our thoughts cause our feelings?

The honeymoon doesn’t have to end.  It just takes focusing on what’s working and cultivating a lasting habit of thinking 5:1 good to bad thoughts about your partner.  Don’t run out and find a new partner just yet or go for the fad diet.

Learn the rules and cultivate your happiness with your thoughts today.  That’s what we’re all after in the end, isn’t it?

Learning to manage your thoughts takes less time than losing 50 pounds or manifesting an amazing relationship, but more importantly, you’ll have much better success with those two goals if you create your happiness first!

Here’s to the game of life!  May we all win!