You may attribute problems to things going on in your life, but problems are really a result of your thinking. The best and easiest way to deal with your problems is by changing your thoughts as the well known book title suggests – Change Your Thoughts Change Your Life.

Last week, we reviewed, in brief, how to create a general sense of happiness through affirmations (top down approach).

An equally important approach is to start with the thoughts causing great suffering. Begin exactly where you are on any issue in your life (bottom up approach).

Here’s an easy to understand example. If you are single and you don’t want to be, you might have a thought that you’re never going to meet your ideal partner. That thought is exactly why you’re single and why you’ll continue to stay single.

Here’s how it works. You think, “I’m never going to meet anyone.”

How do you feel with that thought?

You probably feel hopeless and like there is something wrong with you (inadequate).

How do you act when you’re in a situation to meet someone with that thought, for instance at a party or another social event?  When you feel hopeless or inadequate, you probably act in an inauthentic way. Perhaps you act a little too desperate or needy.

Let’s step outside this example for a moment. How you respond to someone hitting on you that seems desperate or needy?  You probably feeling icky (that’s a technical term), like ending the conversation politely but quickly and finding someone else to talk to.

Has it become abundantly clear why you’re alone (sometimes literally) with that thought?

Now that the problem has been identified and the impact in your life is clear, let’s discuss how to create change. Address your thoughts and the negative parts of your story to bring about change. Intentionally pick a new, better feeling thought.

Here’s the trick to this approach, you have to believe the new thought. Going from “I’m never going to meet anyone,” to “I can manifest my ideal partner,” is often too big of a leap for people.

You might be thinking right now, “But I do think and believe I’m going to meet someone.”

That’s true, you might on occasion think and believe that thought. If you’re single and you don’t want to be, you’re probably also thinking some of the other thoughts noted here. You likely think these negative feeling thoughts just as often, if not more and with greater conviction.

Take a (mental) step you’re sure you’ll be able to take without falling. Likely, it’ll be a baby step before you can learn to run with this new line of thinking. Keep affirming the thought over and over until you feel a sense of mental boredom, which signals you’re ready for another challenge or mental step.

This is one way to change your story if this example applies to you. Make this progression of thoughts yours and rephrase anything that doesn’t feel right for you.

I’m never going to meet anyone.

(Turns to…)

There are unpleasant people in relationships so I know I’ll find someone since I’m nice. (Hey, no one said these thoughts had to be angelic! Try to keep ’em kind though. :))

I’m hoping being with someone is going to make me feel loved; I can love myself in the way I am seeking.

I complete me, not Tom Cruise 😉

I have fun being with myself.

Dating me is fun.

Hey, I’m a good catch!

I’m a great catch!

There are people out there who would want to be with me.

I know I’ll meet someone soon and I’ll get to try new restaurants as I’m dating.

Dating is fun!

The idea is to start negating the negative belief and then turn the train of thoughts positive. It’s really important that you make a mental leap that won’t cause another thought of “Yeah right” to pop up. If it did, you went too far so back up a thought or two.

While you’re doing this, keep going with the top down approach described last week. Underneath the surface thought, “I’m never going to meet someone,” is the thought that something is wrong with me. That’s why it’s best to create change with both techniques.

This could take days or months. The determining factors on how long it takes are how negative your story has been to date and how much work you put into the change process.

Happy changing!  It really is fun and you’ll start to feel good!  While you’re in the midst of picking thoughts try on the following one:

All the changes that lie before me are positive ones 🙂