I once read a book about dogs that suggests describing your pet as an exercise. The book was mostly cute pictures of all types of dogs and funny little sayings. Hidden towards the back was this exercise I’m describing. Because of the manner in which it was included in the book, almost as an afterthought, I was an unsuspecting participant.

I did the exercise. This is what I wrote, 12 years ago, about our family dog who was alive at the time.

Noble is lovable, awesome, cute as hell, capable of mood swings from love to anger and has a quick temper. She can be kind of a bitch sometimes. She is fun and brings immense joy to the people that love her. She is energetic, hard to teach and needy for love.

Ok, step one of the exercise done. Check.

I read on and the exercise says the way I describe my dog is a good description of me.

What?  A bitch?  I mean, I said it in a loving way… It’s true that she could be bitchy at times but I loved her with all my heart!  I started to backpedal on my description.

As much as I wanted to deny it, the description was true for me through and through at that point in my life. All the good things and the bad, it was a package deal.

Here’s the premise behind this exercise. What you see in others is what you see in yourself.

If you see yourself through eyes of love, you see others through those same eyes.

If see yourself through eyes of criticism, you see others through those same eyes.

Someone who loves themselves a lot flows through life easily and shares that love with others. Someone who is very critical of themselves struggles in life and is very critical of others.

What does this mean for us?

• The power to change is within all of us. It’s how we talk to ourselves, how we act with ourselves, how we think. What we do to ourselves, we do to others.
• How someone else talks to us, acts with us and thinks of us isn’t about us, it’s about them. If the way I see others is about me. The way others see me is about them.

Relax. Enjoy your life. Let others act, say and do what they will. Let them judge. It’s not about you. It’s about them.

When you notice yourself judging others, ask yourself how and why you judge yourself in the same way.

Since that day, I’ve worked hard to retrain my eyes to those of love. The less critical I am of myself, the less critical I am of others. The more I love myself, the more I love others.

Today, I understand very well that how I see others is how I see myself. The world is a mirror.

I’m still working on retraining my eyes, but my description of Noble is different today. It’s kinder and more about how much I loved her.

This is the way to happy. It’s a bumpy ride that’s going to make you sweat, cry, question everything, laugh, soar and make your chest burst with joy – so buckle up. I hope you enjoy the journey.

Why would we ever choose not to?